Let Them vs. Fuck Them: Which Side Are You On?

Author

The Coach
August 04, 2025

If someone wrongs you, do you quitetly think“let them”, and move on like an evolved human being. Or do you think, “Fuck them” and and begin to conspire the most dastardly retribution?

In the age of viral mantras and self-help quick fixes, that question has split the internet. On one side are the followers of Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory, a two-word philosophy that’s been tattooed on skin, printed on mugs, and hashtagged into millions of feeds.

On the other are those who think it’s all nonsense, a recipe for becoming a doormat, and prefer a harder-edged approach that tells you to cut people off without ceremony.

Who Is Mel Robbins?

Robbins, a former criminal defence lawyer from Kansas City, built her career on turning bite-sized behavioural tricks into mass-market movements. She broke out with the 2017 bestseller The 5 Second Rule, followed it with The High 5 Habit, and now fronts one of the most downloaded podcasts in the US.

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How “Let Them” Went Viral

The Let Them Theory, co-written with her daughter Sawyer, grew out of a TikTok clip she posted in May 2023. In it, she advised that when people flake on you, ignore your calls, or otherwise behave badly, the healthiest response is to “let them” do it. The idea struck a nerve: 15 million views in 24 hours, merchandise, a December 2024 book release, and a number one spot on the New York Times advice list. Robbins calls it a “cheap trick” that works, drawing on the logic of Stoicism, Buddhism, Radical Acceptance, and the Serenity Prayer. The book is padded with anecdotes and insists “let them” should be paired with “let me”—meaning you still act where needed and set boundaries.

The Backlash and the “Fuck Them” Counter-Theory

Critics in The Cut and Vox say it’s reheated common sense dressed for TikTok, light on substance, and inconsistent in Robbins’ own application. Poet Cassie B. Phillips, whose viral 2022 work “Let Them” mined similar ground, accused Robbins of borrowing without credit, which Robbins denies. More philosophically, the “fuck them” camp argues that unchecked tolerance isn’t maturity—it’s avoidance—and that not confronting bad behaviour lets it thrive.

Expert Voices On Let Them

California therapist Selene Burley calls Let Them “a simplified entry point into healthy boundaries,” but psychologist Dr. Tchiki Davis warns that “letting others control what drives your peace is not real freedom—it’s a setup for burnout.”

The Middle Ground

In a noisy, hyperconnected world, ignoring the petty slights and disappointments of others can protect your focus and energy. But peace without assertiveness is just surrender in softer clothes. For anyone chasing a goal—whether it’s a faster marathon time or a stronger bench press—the smarter play might be to use “let them” to stay on your path, but keep “fuck them” ready for the moments when someone’s behaviour threatens to push you off it.